KinkySexRadio.com

[Prof. Tom]

This is our most popular episode. Just edges out the Spanking episode.
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Prof. Tom
Kinky Sex Radio

[Prof. Tom]

Hello Professor Tom and Mistress Dominion.

I'm a new listener (subscribed, even ) to the podcast, and so far I've liked what I've heard. It's always refreshing to hear a (mostly) mature (Python jokes aside) discussion of sex with people who know what they're talking about.

I'm sure you'll be getting swamped with emails about your last show regarding your discussion of swinging. It's not something either of you are terribly keen on, so you (you being Prof. Tom, in this case), wisely spoke about something you have a bit more experience with (i.e., polyamoury). Having been on both ends of that particular relationship spectrum, I thought you might find the following bits useful if you ever encounter a question on that topic again.

Prof. Tom, you were fairly on when you stated that there is a difference between polyamoury and swinging. Polyamoury normally means there's a relationship beyond the fun, and swinging normally is just for fun. Communication is still important, so everyone knows what's what. If you're expecting one, and you get the other, all sorts of drama can happen. However, there are some other things for people that think they might want to try swinging to keep in mind.

1) It's fairly hetero / exhibitionstic lesbianism (is that a phrase?) oriented. There is a lot of focus on women and women being involved.
Normally, at a club or party, there is a limit on what sort of people can attend, and how much they will be charged. As most clubs / parties require you to speak to the owner / host beforehand, you can find out the policies of the specific place you're looking at easily enough. Generally, though, it's very easy for single women to attend swingers' events... if there is a charge, they tend to pay the least, and they are very very rarely turned away from attending. Couples are in the middle... the have a middling fee if there are any, and it's fairly easy for them to get invites / accepted in. Single men, well, have it much harder. If there are costs, they tend to be highest for them, and there are clubs that have waiting lists for single men, but they aren't automatically accepted. So, if you're a single guy looking for easy action, swingers' scenes may be harder than you think.

2) Again, generally (disclaimer firmly in place here), there is more focus on the women at the club / event. Girl piles, or groups featuring girls, are more than welcome. 2 guys on 1 girl? Fine. 2 girls on 1 guy? Wonderful. All girls? Fantastic. All men? Meeheheh. Not so much. Part of it is probably the wife swapping background, and the fact that many swingers tend to be fairly middle class and used to all those trappings than many sexual subcultures. So, if you're looking to hook up with men, and you're a man, you're probably better off at a club that caters to men, then a swingers' event.

3) If you aren't comfortable with the idea of seeing people that you may not find attractive having sex in a fairly public space, then swingers' places are definitely NOT for you. There are private rooms, and many do use them. However, privacy (beyond the "don't talk about Fight Club" sort of rule) is not really a big thing.

4) Having said "don't talk about Fight Club," that's generally a good rule. If you see someone you know at a swingers' event, and then run into them outside that setting, it's rather bad form to bring it up, especially if they're around other people. This rule is also generally good to follow if you're talking about kinky scenes, clubs, and parties as well. With the misunderstanding that goes on about these practices, there is a lot at stake if the wrong person finds out about someone's sexual proclivities.

In general, the things to remember about swinging are: be clear on what you're expecting, and what you'll get; if you're a single guy, find a girl to go with you, it increases your chances; safety is PARAMOUNT; anonymity is valued; and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Thanks for a good show.

Sorry to write your eyes off

Yours,
Non Sequitur
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Prof. Tom
Kinky Sex Radio

[J.W.]

Professor Tom and Mistress Dominion,

Great show...I know why I liked it.

Keep up the good stuff...

J.W.
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Don't worry, it's only kinky once.

[nemo]

Thanks for the check list!! I was having a conversation with my girlfriend the other night and the topic of sex came up. She was telling me that she liked a couple of things that I did with her and I said "Great - what else do you like?" She responded with one of those "well...I don't know?" I figured this is a great opportunity to reference your check list. I worked great. I first let her look at it and she was shocked....then she started really reading it and was saying things like, "well, that isn't so bad. Hmm, I actually do kind of like that." and of course a few "What is that?!?!"
Anyway, thanks for a great reference tool for having a very open conversation about kink. And thanks for a great show.

[bdk13]

great show, my fav so far.